Asking a barmaid to ‘sniff a pint’ will not get you the result you desired.
Some of my mates have weak bladders and will do a miniwee at the front door.
Leigh Coppock doesn’t pay for big bottles of Coke.
Tesco workers are inept.
Being refused alcohol due to some stupid government law is annoying.
I will give the evil eye to Tesco workers after being refused beer.
Some people like to walk down train tracks of an evening.
Turkish chefs should never be trusted.
#todaysconclusions
My need for a designer coffee cup is growing ever stronger by the day.
One evening I will not go into Tesco and will just go home.
Moving furniture around at 22:00 was a mistake.
This is not the first time I’ve made this mistake.
Always seek female advice before moving furniture. It’s less painful that way.
People always call me when I’m on the toilet.
I probably spend too much time on the toilet.
#todaysconclusions
Always call your Gran on her birthday.
I appear to enjoy taking out of date medicine.
The world and his dog was in Tesco Wolverton tonight.
Hobbycraft should change its name under the trade descriptions act.
The first present was always going to be the worst wrapped present.
Never start with the biggest box.
It’s okay to swear at your wrapping skills.
#todaysconclusions
Coming back from a ten goal deficit is rewarding.
Having the Xmas period to recover is essential for my old man knees.
Going back to work after illness is strangely good.
My last reduced aisle meat win of the year has been my biggest and best of the year.
I will never regret the day I made friends with the reduced aisle man.
Helping a lodger move out is weird even though you want it to happen.
In the 3hrs I’ve had my house back to myself, I’ve enjoyed it….immensely.
#todaysconclusions
I am stupidly/accidentally good at the game of Billiards.
I love a winter lunchtime Guinness.
The last day of a job is always awkward.
I’ll miss all of the people at Melon.
French lodgers do not know how to wash dishes, clothes or themselves.
Swearing in your kitchen when alone makes you look (and sound) like a mad man.
A Tesco 2 for 1 meal can be a unsurprising lifesaver.
Good fish brings people together.
I’m a fussy gin purchaser.
I’m quite looking forward to the 6th.
#todayconclusions
Its perfectly acceptable to not get up early and go to the gym on a cold, dark Monday morning if your dog is sleeping on you…and he’s warm.
Always let sleeping dogs lie.
Finding out you’ve wiped paint on your new towels is not a great start to the week.
Unsuspected text messages can bring a big smile to your face.
Touching the check out ladies hand in Tesco will lead to an awkward packing process.
At this point always keep eye contact to a minimum.
I look pimping in my Star Wars PJ’s
#todaysconclusions
I have too much to watch on my Sky+ box
This is a bad thing.
Adding ‘Gotham’ to that list will make my ass grow.
I drink far too much tea when i feel ill.
Its great when your boss goes out to buy you Beechams.
When someone goes out to buy Beechams for you make sure you mention that you prefer the lemon one.
When buying peppers make sure you don’t buy the rest of Tesco.
Dogs bark at stuff they’ve dropped on purpose.
Mondays will forever be slow.
#todaysconclusions
Flip flops, my toes and Tesco trollies are not friends.
Seeing blood weep from you toe nail makes me hate Tesco trollies even more.
I’ve had better weekends.
#todaysconclusions
Always marinade steaks early doors for the ultimate flavour. They also make your fridge smell incredible and mask the smell of gone off food.
The older gentleman who gave me his clubcard points earlier is a saint. May the 6 bottles of vino he brought bring him as much joy as he brought me.
A group of drunk women are worse than the group of drunk men.
Having a girlfriend with a black eye is not the fashion accessory required for the summer.
My girlfriend needs to wear a F1 crash helmet whilst drinking.
Optrex hay fever eye drops for itchy eyes are a god send
Sellotape over the ear piece of an iPhone will drastically reduce the chance of hearing the speaker at the other end.
My girlfriend needs a new phone.
Speaking to old friends over Facebook is always welcomed.
Educating young girls on the beauty of f1 and the safety car is a lesson I’m happy to partake in.
Drink spillage is increased when alcohol is consumed.
Only Tesco finest sausages are ok for my hound.
#todaysconclusions
#todays conclusions 